32 days in isolation.
April 14, 2020.
Sometime before 9pm New York Time, Nancy Pelosi is in a sweater in front of her stainless steel refrigerator door.
LIVE FROM HER SAN FRANCISCO KITCHEN. 5:17pm.
Her videoconferencing config is like a 56k dial-up modem and an iPhone 4 got together and puked a Betamax tape. Her eyes keep bouncing around like she doesn’t know whether to look at the screen or the camera.
Madame Speaker, love your work. I even love the carefully carelessly positioned and framed Betsy Ross American Flag painting against the wall. It evokes a simpler time, when there were just 13 of us and we had brilliant, thoughtful leaders.
Get an HD webcam, Nancy, and lose the wicker napkin holder behind you. Wicker sucks.
April 14, 2020. 32 days since the Stay-At-Home order was issued. Six years ago today I fell asleep on April 14 and almost woke up dead. I went to work and carried a heart attack around with me for three days until my wife demanded I make an appointment with my cardiologist.
April 14, 2020. President Lumpy announces no more funding for a critical organization that improves millions of lives & is a profound demonstration of the world’s shared humanity.
"Today I'm instructing my administration to halt funding of the World Health Organization while a review is conducted to assess the World Health Organization's role in severely mismanaging and covering up the spread of the coronavirus (everybody knows what's going on there)."
What the fuck are you talking about?.
No funding for the WHO because Trump banned most travel from China and disagrees with its rules that America helped craft (the WHO did not fail us). It’s a critical institution and a trusted source of important information.
Yesterday, he said, “When somebody is President of the United States, the authority is total,” said the solipsistic, narcissistic totalitarian suffering from a severe case of the Dunning–Kruger effect.
He doesn’t read and wouldn’t understand but last night legal & Constitutional experts (by the dozens, possibly) pointed out what Federalism is and that it’s baked into the Constitution so deep that not even some of his most sick and sycophantic judges (all of whom we should impeach, btw, as soon as you exit the building) or Supreme Court demagogues could break that one in half for your monkey-ass to chew on. Someone showed him a Venn diagram with the States in one circle and the Federal government in the other circle and he didn’t understand it but they all said this was the worst idea in a presidency infested with bad ideas.
Today 2,407 Americans died. Most deaths ever from the coronavirus. And Dumpy is taking his ball and going home. He mentioned “the States” a thousand times in today’s speech. Probably ten thousand. He said the word “States” so many times, I had friends calling me up saying, did you see how many times he said the word “States”? I’ve never gotten more phone calls than I’ve gotten about the million times he used the word, “States.”
Here’s what he said and didn’t say:
STATES will decide when it’s appropriate to return to normal and how.
STATES have all responsibility for the health of their populations. They die, piss off, it’s on you.
STATES have gotten everything they asked for from me and they’re still whiny little bitches.
STATES asked for stuff. I gave some to people who say nice things about me and
told everyone there was no February this year (about 35 million morons will believe me).
STATES are on notice that the Governmental apparatchik thing that Grumpy has cobbled together (he’s crashed into many of the guardrails of a healthy Democracy in his reckless and unrestrained desires) will now make decisions about state aid on a personal, political, partisan basis.
And then he said this:
Here’s what happens next. New York State and New Jersey and Massachusetts and Michigan and Illinois and California will have thousands of respirators and thousands of trained professionals with hard-fought expertise up close and personal battling this virus.
April 14, 2020. Today, there are over 10,000 New Yorkers dead from COVID-19, more than there are COVID-19 cases in 13 states.
New York will beat it. NYC is the toughest city in the world. We got hijacked twice once. A bunch of extremist Muslim assholes knocked down the buildings I worked in at the time, and then a bunch of extremist Christian assholes hijacked our pain and somehow (and again) made us the un-American East Coast educated elite effete (look it up you heartless idiot).
So NYC will survive and in the weeks and months before the 2020 election in November, Pumpy will pump out tons of federal blood and treasure to the red states who get hit on the “Second wave” after they reopen their states. They will be ready with ventilators and testing and PPE and beds and those states will, once again, escape carnage. Because New York led the fight. We died and sacrificed so you could all laugh at it and party in Miami and attend Church by the hundreds saying all this social distancing is crazy godless talk, a democrat hoax. And when YOU need it you’ll have 10 ventilators for every sickness once we’ve flattened the curve. And you will have the full force of the feral government when the democratic states had to kiss this clown’s fucking ring.
New York will send its heroes, battered and beaten but determined like a force of nature. New York’s heroes will join the fight when their done here and they’ll save your damn lives.
And you will still believe this Gook Flu was a democrat hoax to impeach the president and overturn the election and the W.H.O failed us and the Fake News shut down our economy for no reason so it’s definitely not Trump’s fault that thousands are dead and millions are out of work, it’s those damn democrat governors. And Obama. Always & forever Obama. I’m thinking Stumpy wants to split some dark wood, if you know what I mean; I mean, I’ve never seen anyone have such a hard-on for anyone else like this in my life. And all along I thought it was because he’s black.